Om. Ow! Wow!! Bow.

All that matters is what’s on my mat. (Illustration by ultra-talented sister Maya Calica)

The only muscles that don’t hurt right now are those on my face, hands, and feet. The rest of my body is extremely sore. I owe it all to the Advanced Yoga class that I attended two nights ago. I’d been going to jam-packed Open Level and Intermediate classes in Basel for a while, so I was curious to see what it would be like to take it a step further. I purposely came early to speak with the teacher and ask if I was fit enough to join this intense class, to which he calmly replied “that’s up to you to find out.” Gulp.

Part of me didn’t want to make a fool of myself in case we were made to go into poses I had never done, seen, or heard of before. Stepping back (in this case, into the other room, where an Open Level class was to take place) and sticking with the more familiar seemed the more sure thing to do. The other part of me reminded me that yoga isn’t about twisting my body into extraordinary shapes or balancing on my head. It’s about working with what I have here and now—despite what the high-level practitioners all around me can effortlessly achieve.

I found a comfortable space where I set down my mat, props, and nervous little self. As we began the class, I started more and more to feel reassured that this was MY practice. This was MY body. MY histories. MY strengths. MY breath. It didn’t matter what the people beside me or in front of me were doing; all that mattered was what was going on inside me, and what was happening on my mat. I took deeper and deeper breaths and transformed my anxious energy into joyful energy, and before I knew it, I was smiling to myself and enjoying my practice.

Until of course the headstands came. My teacher Martin nonchalantly said, “okay, I’ll give you choices to work with. Go from Crow Pose to a headstand, back to crow (which he casually demonstrated like he was just yawning). Or Side Crow to headstand, back to Side Crow” (again, more effortless demonstration took place).

Insert cricket sounds here. I was waiting for a third choice, perhaps like Child’s Pose, but no. He set us off to work. Biiiiig siiiiigh. For several minutes I battled with my fear of falling flat on my face. And although I’d love to tell you that I managed to get up on my head seamlessly and effortlessly, I didn’t. I got exactly what I feared and fell flat on my face (or more like my cheek). After more tries, I progressed but didn’t nail the pose.

I left the class feeling relieved that I stepped out of my comfort zone, and I realized that  there’s lots of work to be done. Not just with the physical pose, but the apprehensions and fears that I have to face in order to achieve the pose. And one day I’ll get it, which means there will be something else to work towards. It’s continuous work that humbles me, and I love it.

#CrowPose #Falling #Headstands #yoga